• This happens when you think with words like should, must, ought to, or have to in order to motivate yourself or others. Guilt, shame, and self-loathing are side-effects of "should statements" for yourself. Anger, frustration, bitterness, resentment, and self-righteousness are side-effects of "should statements" for others. For example:
• "I/You should quite smoking." "I/You ought to to lose weight." "I/You must get this done today." "I/You have to go there." "I/You shouldn’t do___."
• REALITY CHECK: Instead of "should statements" use phrases like: "It would be nice if___", "I wish that___", "I prefer if___", "I accept that___", "Who cares if___" "Don’t worry about it."
• Examples: Rather than say, "I should quite smoking." Say instead, "I wish I could quite smoking; but I know nicotine is more addictive than cocaine and heroin combined; so with the help of some smoking cessation aids, I'll try my best; and if I fail the first time, then I'll try again..."
