Friday, January 29, 2016

24 Things You Can Do To Become More Likeable

24 Things You Can Do To 

Become More Likeable

by Bryan J. Neva, Sr.

Unless you're narcissistic or sociopathic, most of us have probably wondered how we can become more likable. We believe that the more likable we are, the more opportunities we'll have socially and professionally. Having worked professionally for over 22 years in customer service roles, I've learned a thing or two about how to get people to like you.  So without too much elaboration, I'd like to offer my list of everyday things you can do to become more likable.
  1. Try to please God before you try to please others.
    • St. Paul wrote in Galatians 1:10, "Obviously, I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant."
    • We're all a work in progress; no one is perfect; just do your best to love God and your neighbor and everything else will fall into place. But if pleasing God means that others won't like you, then so be it. Try to keep things in perspective as not everyone will like you despite your best efforts; just move on; you can't please everyone.
  2. Like yourself.
    • Others won't like you unless you first like yourself.
    • Remember, we can't change our basic personalities; so figuratively, if your personality is an orange, then don't try to pretend you're an apple. Some people only like apples and not oranges. So embrace being an orange and don't pretend you're an apple; just try to become the best orange you can possibly be.
    • If you're not happy with yourself, seek counseling from family, friends, clergy, or professionals on how to overcome your low self-esteem.
    • Low self-esteem is often the result of things we dislike about ourselves such as our weight or our looks. Sometimes it's the result of mistakes we've made so forgive yourself and try to atone for your sins. God grand us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.  
  3. Practice good hygiene.
    • This is so obvious, but if you stink, your breath smells bad, and you look sloppy people won't like you.
    • If you smoke, use breath mints to mask the odor.
    • Take a shower everyday whether you need it or not.
    • Use deodorant, but go easy on the cologne (less is more).
    • Fix your hair and regularly get a haircut.
    • Brush your teeth, floss, use mouth wash twice a day, and visit the dentist every six months.
    • Take care of your health, and get a physical once a year. 
  4. Dress to impress.
    • Wear clean, pressed clothing, and try not to wear the same thing two days in a row. Mix things up a bit.
    • Don't dress outside of the norm in your social circle. Try to dress like most of your peers. But if you're trying to get a promotion, then try to dress like your superiors.
  5. Smile. 
    • Consistently walking around with a frown or scowl on your face sends a negative message to others that you're in a bad mood, depressed, or angry at the world and people will avoid you.
    • Force yourself to smile when you're talking on the phone and your voice will sound better on the other end.
  6. Make eye contact.
    • Tilt you head up; don't look at the floor, and please don't stare as that makes others feel uncomfortable. (Oh by the way, in Germany it's normal for people to stare you down, but that's a cultural difference.)
    • Combining a smile with raising your eyebrows or nodding your head is a good non-verbal way of saying "hello."
    • If you see someone you know wave at them.
  7. Learn and use people's names.
    • A person's name is the sweetest word they know.
    • Good ways to remember people's names when you first meet them is to use their name quickly in the conversation. Also, associate their name with someone you can remember. If their name is the same as a friend, relative, or public figure, then associate them with the friend, relative, or public figure. Another thing you can do is write down their name as soon as possible.
  8. Be Humble. 
    • Being humble and showing deference to others is always a good way to get others to like you especially if you're in a position of authority. Humility is probably the most underrated virtue in the Western world. Nobody likes arrogant, pompous, condescending people.
    • Sometimes people come off as arrogant, pompous, know-it-alls because psychologically they feel inferior to others. Those are the folks you really need to be especially meek and humble with if you want them to like you. But you should strive for humility regardless of who you're dealing with.
    • Embarrass yourself and show your human. If you cut-wind, fess up to it.
  9. Be polite, patient, courteous, kind, and respectful.
    • What you learned in kindergarten and Sunday school still holds true.
  10. Mirror other's positioning.
    • If you're talking with someone one-on-one pay attention to their positioning, and without being too obvious about it, slowly mirror their position. That'll put them at ease. 
    • If you're in a meeting or situation where others are being stiff and formal don't be laid-back and casual and put your feet up on the table; follow their lead.
  11. Ask people about themselves.
    • But be sincere about it, people can tell if you're just trying to curry favor. 
    • Be genuinely interested in others without being too nosey or getting too personal. This is not always easy as some people are very private, but most are not and appreciate it when you take an interest in them.
  12. Be a good listener.
    • The good Lord gave us two ears and one mouth, so we should listen twice as much as we speak.
  13. Talk about what interests others.
    • There's nothing disingenuous about taking an interest in what others like even if you don't particularly like it. Just don't pretend you do. If others like football but you don't, just ask questions like, "I usually only watch the Superbowl, and then just for the commercials, but how is your favorite team doing this year?"
    • By taking a sincere interest in what others like, you may discover a new hobby or interest of your own. Besides all you're trying to do is make a personal connection.
  14. Be open about yourself with others.
    • If others are interested, share your life experiences with others, but don't be a braggart.
  15. Compliment others.
    • But do it sincerely. The world in general is too negative, so be a counterweight to the world, be positive, and tell others what you like about them. 
    • Recognize other people's successes.  
    • Make others feel good about themselves.
  16. Be empathetic.
    • Show genuine concern and empathy for others and the personal struggles they face in their lives. This is what makes us human.
    • Don't be afraid to touch or hug if the situation warrants. Some people don't like this, but I think most do.
  17. Have a sense of humor.
    • Learn to laugh at yourself and your own mistakes.
    • Laugh at the everyday annoyances we all have to deal with.
    • Laugh at life's absurdities, hypocrisy, and misguided beliefs.  
    • Share a good joke with others.
  18. Stay in control.
    • Loosing your temper or composure is never productive or good for your reputation. If you're upset with someone, take a walk and cool off.
    • It's better to be silent and thought a fool than to speak up and prove to be one.
    • Don't make a mountain out of a molehill.
  19. Learn to forgive and forget. 
    • This will help release you of the burden you carry.
  20. Don't criticize, complain, condemn, or judge others.
    • Leave all judgement and vengeance to God. That's His job not ours. 
  21. Ask don't tell.
    • Psychologically, people will like you more because they'll feel you're indebted to them for doing you a favor.
  22. Avoid arguments and conflict like the plague.
    • Show respect for other's opinions and never say, "You're Wrong!"
    • Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
    • If you're wrong, quickly admit it.
    • Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing others.
    • Indirectly call attention to other's mistakes. Let them save face. Don't humiliate others.
  23. Follow the Golden and Platinum Rules.
    • First, treat others the way you'd like to be treated; once you've done this, then treat others the way they'd like to be treated.
  24. Have personal integrity.
    • Keep your promises.
    • Say what you mean and mean what you say.
    • Don't throw others under the bus.
    • Don't talk about others behind their backs.
    • Say something positive about someone who is criticized.

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