Saturday, September 15, 2018

10 Reasons to be Okay with Being Disliked

10 Reasons to be Okay with Being Disliked

Do You Like Me
“If your number one goal is to make sure that everyone likes and approves of you, then you risk sacrificing your uniqueness, and, therefore, your excellence.” ~Unknown
We all know at least one hardcore people pleaser. You know the signs: She sleeps out in the rain and gets sick so her friend's dog can fit in the tent. She's 100 percent Republican but pretends she’s Democrat solely because her friends are.
If a friend calls her stupid, she whips up a batch of cookies and makes a card that reads, “I'm sorry for disappointing you.” And despite all her efforts to be liked by everyone, many people disrespect her.
Maybe that's you, maybe it's not—but odds are, you can relate at least a little to the desire to be well-liked. Who doesn't want to feel accepted, respected, and appreciated?
For most of my life, my need to be liked overshadowed all my other needs. I was always trying to manipulate perception, adapting myself to receive validation. It was draining and counterproductive, since very few people actually knew me—the real me—which is a prerequisite to liking me.
I've since learned it's actually a good sign if there are some people who don't accept or agree with me.
I'm not suggesting we should be rude, inconsiderate, or disrespectful. This post isn't about disregarding other people's feelings.
This is about releasing our stress about other people's opinions.
When you’re comfortable not being liked by everyone:

1. It allows you to be true to yourself.

The biggest disservice you can do yourself is shapeshifting to please your “audience” of the moment. It's exhausting (even to watch) and, more importantly, pointless. No one will get to know who you really are, which will leave you feeling empty.

2. It gives you the power to say no.

I believe people are good at heart. Still, it’s human nature to test each other’s boundaries. When you're willing to risk being disliked, you're able to say no when you need to. Your yeses and nos shapes your future, so choose them wisely.

3. You're more comfortable exploring your feelings.

Doesn't it feel good to just be where you are without pretending for someone else's sake? I'm not saying you should act in anger or fear, just that it's pretty exhilarating to say, “Hell yeah—I'm terrified” (or lonely or weak or struggling) regardless of what people will think.

4. Your candor can help other people.

An angst-filled younger me made a fake voodoo doll for a middle school teacher who was hard on me, but forever changed my life (not my proudest moment). It's often the least popular people who strike the deepest chord in us. Be unpopular when necessary and push people to be their best. You just may save someone's life.

5. You can freely express your thoughts.

One of the kindest things you can do for someone else is listen without judging. You deserve that same kindness, but you won't always get it. People will form opinions as you speak. Talk anyway. Let your words be kind but fearless.

6. It prepares you for greater success.

Pick a popular Twitter user and look at their @replies. Odds are they field their fair share of harsh comments. The higher you rise, the more attention you'll receive, both positive and negative. A willingness to be disliked helps you deal with the added scrutiny.

7. It teaches you to offer kindness and compassion without expectations.

It's not difficult to offer compassion to someone who treats you with respect and kindness. What's more valuable for your personal development, and to humanity as whole, is the ability to do what's right because it's right—not because you get something in return.

8. You can inspire other people.

There is someone I know who has the uncanny ability to keep going even when others try to pull her down. I learn from her every day. To this woman, anyone who doesn't appreciate her assertive, over-the-top personality is a reminder that she is unique and unafraid.

9. You can use your time wisely.

If you want to be liked by everyone, odds are you're spreading yourself way too thin trying to keep them all happy. We need to use our time judiciously to enrich ourselves and others instead of worrying about everyone’s perceptions.

10. You can choose to smile anyway.

You could use your energy to make daily inventories of everything that's wrong—the money you don't have, the esteem you didn't earn, the people you disappointed. Or you could commit to being your best, and then just sit back and smile. Life will always be a balancing act. Learn to teeter in serenity.
Do you like me image via Shutterstock

About Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha and Recreate Your Life Story, an online course that helps you let go of the past and live a life you love. Her latest book, Tiny Buddha's Worry Journal, which includes 15 coloring pages, is now available. For daily wisdom, follow Tiny Buddha on TwitterFacebook & Instagram.


Published by "Globe In" April 27, 2015


Hint: fair trade isn't fair; 
free trade isn't free.
They may sound similar, but fair trade and free trade are often arch enemies.
Fair trade places restrictions on farmers and producers. It forces them to pay minimum wages, adopt safe working conditions and pay lip service to planetary protection.
Free trade removes all boundaries for all parties. It affords unfettered international export and import, free from taxes, tariffs, worker protections or pesky minimum wages.
Globally: fair trade makes things more expensive, free trade makes things cheaper; fair trade means workers earn more, free trade means workers earn less. So while free does mean cheap, it also means we earn collectively less money with which to buy all that cheap stuff.
Here’s a simple explanation of the difference between fair trade and free trade.


fair trade = price + premium
Fair trade standards set two payouts for producers — a “minimum price” and a “premium.”
The minimum price is meant to set a floor to keep farmers afloat in the event of a global commodities collapse. When market prices are above the minimum, which is typical, producers receive the market rate.
The premium is a bonus with restrictions. The premium doesn’t go directly to individual workers. Rather, the money must be used for worker welfare programs such as education, child care, facility improvements, etc…
Jonathan Rosenthal, Co-founder of Equal Exchange, says that “fair trade” could be more accurately described as “trade which is less unfair,” a fair criticism. In fact, going fair trade can actually mean less money for a producer. It costs a fair amount of money for producers to maintain fair trade certification. Meanwhile, market demand for fair trade products may not be high enough for producers to sell all of their crops under a fair trade label, forcing them to sell their remaining crops sans premium.
Fair trade is certainly not egalitarian, but it’s fair-er than free.


free < fair
Free trade is a bilateral agreement between countries to allow unrestricted import and export of goods.
The advantage to free trade is that it taps into the efficiency of global markets. Free trade can spur economic growth while making goods less expensive.
The downside is that all those goods get less expensive for a reason. It may be cheaper to build solar panels in China the US, which is all well and good (Who doesn’t want cheaper solar panels!), but those panels may be cheaper because workers are cheaper. So in addition to importing affordable Chinese solar panels, we’re exporting affable American jobs.
Especially frightening for the fair trade movement, free trade threatens to forgo worker protections and environmental standards Far from emancipating, free trade agreements such as the Trans-Pacific and Trans-Atlantic Partnerships threaten to force the world’s least empowered workers into feudalism.

Friday, September 14, 2018

by Bill O'Reilly  September 12, 2018  12:44 p.m.

To understand true evil, you have to see it.  That’s why the yearly 9/11 memorials are so important.  Millions of Americans saw their lives grossly harmed after Muslim terrorists committed mass murder on that day in 2001.  Their leader, Osama bin Laden, was pure evil and eventually was killed by Navy SEALs. 
But that event did not assuage the pain he caused.

In my town there lives an elderly man whose two sons were killed in the World Trade Center.  This man has led a life of honor, contributing mightily to his community and to his country.  He and his devoted wife suffered unimaginable pain 17 years ago and every day since.  There are tens of thousands of other Americans suffering as well.

The man in my town still believes in a just God even though no justice was granted him.  He well knows that he will never understand why evil visits the virtuous.  He simply accepts the fact.

In America, many of us tend to look away from evil.  
How can thousands of murders take place in Chicago without a national outcry?  How can some call dope pushers who sell deadly substances “non-violent” criminals?  How can clergy abuse children?  How can people falsely accuse others for money or power ruining lives?

The evil list is extensive.  But those who actually acknowledge an evil presence in the world are relatively few.

In writing my upcoming book “Killing the SS,” I saw first hand that evil lurks in every human being.  The Nazi SS guards who oversaw massive murder and torture in Hitler’s concentration camps were usually common folks before the war; farmers, merchants, laborers.  Yet they killed babies, children, and adults without objection.

Then they ate dinner.

Millions of Germans looked away from the evil of The Third Reich and some even helped the war criminals escape.  It is simply incomprehensible.  But it happened.

Today, we give lip service to fighting ISIS and other evil barbarians.  But very few Americans actually do the brutal work that needs to be done.  The rest of us often take a “pass” when evil drives by - especially if it doesn’t attack us.

But evil does, indeed, affect the righteous and the awful alike.  It exists inside each human being and it is active in villains everywhere.

We must see evil for what it is and fight hard against it.  We must also understand that no one is immune from it.  A good man on Long Island can tell you that first hand.

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