CHANGE YOURSELF AND YOU’LL CHANGE THE WORLD
by Bryan J. Neva, SR.
WHAT WE LEARN AS WE GROW OLDER
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| Metro Manila, Philippines |
Most of us discover at a young age that life
is not always fair, and we don’t always get what we need or want or even
deserve. As children, many of us came to realize that other children may have
come from better families, lived in better homes, wore nicer clothing, played
with better toys, or were more healthy, attractive, athletic, intelligent,
outgoing, or personable. If
you were fortunate enough to have been blessed with any of those qualities,
eventually you may have figured out that not everyone had been blessed like
you.
Until we first experienced
unkindness, hatred, rejection, or betrayal, we lived in an innocent, kind, loving, and
just world. It was
probably as close to heaven as most of us have ever seen.
The differences we discovered as children most
likely became more pronounced during our difficult teenage years as those who
were below average struggled to get by in a world that
values the best, the brightest, the attractive, the athletic, the talented, the
articulate, the extroverted, the gregarious, the popular, and the well to do.
As adults, most of us have faced unfairness,
injustice, rejection, discrimination, disappointment, selfishness, cruelty, and
hatred. Not everyone is
fortunate enough to have the talent, resources, or the opportunity to be
financially successful. Life and work can be analogous to four-letter-words
at times. Whether we came
from humble beginnings, we were handicapped in some way, we made some poor
choices in life, we experienced broken relationships, or we were victims of
circumstances beyond our control (sadly) we all say to ourselves at times: life is not fair!
But certainly not all of life
is drudgery and misery. If that were the case, we’d all be in a hopeless
situation. With all its ups and downs, life can indeed be
beautiful when we experience the wonders of nature, the beauty of a sunrise or
sunset, the stars in the night sky, the love, support, and fellowship of family
and friends, the excitement of romance, the birth of a child, the unconditional
love of a pet, the kindness of strangers, the excitement of something new, the
joy of learning, the satisfaction of accomplishment, or the pleasures of good
food and drink....
Life can be blessings and
curses, joys and sorrows, comforts and sufferings, pleasures and pains, health
and sickness, fairness and injustice, love and hate, good and bad, successes
and failures....
But the unkindness and injustice of life takes
on a whole new meaning when we see the rich, the powerful, the attractive, the
eloquent, the articulate, or the talented rewarded for their immoral,
unethical, or dishonest behavior. And
it’s hard to understand why those who habitually mistreat and oppress others
are rewarded with greater wealth, power, or prestige. Sometimes good people are
punished while bad people are rewarded. It’s
one of life’s great mysteries.
So maybe if we petitioned our government they
could pass laws making life more honest and fair for everyone? Maybe we could pass a constitutional
amendment that will ensure that everyone treats everyone decently? Unfortunately the government couldn’t
possibly pass enough laws or hire enough people to enforce honesty, decency,
and fairness. In fact, the government suffers from the same problems we do
because people are people regardless of who they are or where they
work. Anywhere you go in the world
you’ll find dishonest, immoral, and unethical people. (Sadly, even in sacred
places.) It’s quite impossible to force people to treat others
well and to live honest, decent, ethical, virtuous, and morally good lives. What
the world really needs is a change of heart…and only God can do that!
WHAT PHILOSOPHY
TEACHES US
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| Socrates forced to drink poison |
Ethical philosophers and thinkers throughout
the ages (like the famous Greek philosophers Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, and
Zeno) have pondered why and how we should live honest, ethical, virtuous, and
decent lives. Marcus
Aurelius, a famous Roman Emperor from 161-180 A.D. and a practicing Stoic
philosopher, wrote in his book Meditations, We ought to do good to others as
simply as a horse runs, or a bee makes honey, or a vine bears grapes season
after season without thinking of the grapes it has borne. In other words, living a good and
decent life is self-evident in nature (or natural law). We don’t need laws to be written to
tell us that lying, cheating, stealing, or killing is wrong.
The famous philosopher Plato
(a student of Socrates) wrote in his book The
Republic (circa 387 B.C.) an
allegory called The Cave (which is probably the basis
of all Western philosophical thought). In the story, Socrates has a conversation with Plato’s
brother Glaucon in which he describes a prehistoric theater deep inside a cave
where the audience members, since their childhoods, are chained and held
captive watching a shadow puppet show (similar to a movie theater today). The
show the captive audience watched were images of the real things and events in
the world outside the cave.
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| Drawing of Plato's Cave |
So one day an audience member
was set free and told that the shadow puppet show he’d been watching since
childhood were not at all real but merely illusions of reality. At
first he was skeptical and didn’t believe it. So to
prove it to him, he was shown the puppets and fire that produced the shadows
he’d watched since childhood, but he still wouldn’t believe it. Finally,
he was forcibly dragged out of the cave into the sunlight of the real world.
Initially he was shocked by
what he saw as his eyes painfully adjusted to the bright sunlight. But
after awhile, he came to see and appreciate the beauty of the world as it
really is outside of the cave.
Later on, however, he started
to feel pity for the captives still imprisoned deep inside the cave. So
after much thought, he decided to venture back inside the cave in order to tell
them the truth about the cave: that it was all a lie and a poor reflection of
reality.
After he went back into the
cave and told the others about the real world outside the cave they just
laughed at him and said he’d lost his sight and his mind. He
desperately tried to prove it to them, but they still wouldn’t believe him. And
eventually they killed him since they didn’t want him to lead others astray.
The protagonist in the
allegorical story represents the countless prophets and sages throughout
history that have tried and failed to enlighten society by speaking the truth
(e.g. Socrates, John the Baptist, Jesus of Nazareth, or Gandhi). Arthur
Schopenhauer (1788 – 1860 A.D., a famous German philosopher) wrote, All truth passes through three
stages: first, it is ridiculed; second, it is violently opposed; third, it is
accepted as being self-evident.
The writings of the Greeks
and many other philosophers throughout history continue to be studied to this
day, but as we look around us we can see that most of their common sense ideas of
how to live rightly haven’t been universally embraced? Since
honesty is rarely rewarded and unethical or immoral behavior is rarely
punished, there’s little reason why any of us should strive to live honest,
decent, ethical, virtuous, and morally good lives. The
fact is that nice people—more often than not—do finish last! And it
is this sad fact of life that makes our lives so frustrating and meaningless at
times!
Around the same time as the
famous Greek philosophers, a little known Jewish philosopher and sage named
Qoheleth (or the Preacher) asked these same questions in his Biblical book of Ecclesiastes: what is the
meaning of life and what is the best way to live?
Qoheleth explored the
benefits of a pleasure-seeking, hedonistic lifestyle; he explored the benefits
of wealth and success; he explored the benefits of hard-work and academic
pursuits; he explored the benefits of power and weakness; he explored the
benefits of knowledge, wisdom, and foolishness; in fact, he explored the
benefits of just about everything imaginable and he still came to the same
conclusion—they’re all pointless, futile and ultimately meaningless!
The reason Qoheleth believed
that life (apart from God) was so futile and meaningless was that, ultimately,
nothing lasts forever (including us). Nothing we learn or do or pursue or build or
accomplish will have any lasting consequences and eventually everything will be
forgotten. It doesn’t matter if you’re a good person or a bad
person, beautiful or ugly, wise or foolish, smart or stupid, rich or poor, a
success or a failure, moral or immoral, honest or dishonest, ethical or
unethical; ultimately we all suffer the same fate. So it
is death and our fear of death—Qoheleth believed—that makes our lives so
pointless, frustrating, and meaningless!
So Qoheleth despaired of life and wondered
(like we still do) if it would have been better not to have been born than to
live a meaningless life? Socrates
had a similar thought when he said: The
unexamined life is not worth living!
But then in a moment of clarity, Qoheleth
realized the obvious: that the reason life was so unfair was precisely because
of all the unkindness, injustice, and evil in the world! Evil, injustice, and oppression are
perpetuated by the hateful, dishonest, unethical, and immoral ways people behave towards
each other. And it is these
that make life so pointless, frustrating and meaningless.
Yet as surely as there’s evil, injustice, and
death in the world there’s surely divine justice and retribution, Qoheleth
believed. Despite life’s
unfairness, it’s still a very precious gift from God. And God wants all of us to enjoy our
lives, our relationships, our work, and all the other blessings He has given
us, but He also wants us to live honestly, decently, ethically, virtuously, and
morally good because living this way makes life more meaningful for all of us.
And in the end when we all have to stand
before God, our creator, and give an account of our lives, what will He say to
us? Did we love Him? Did we love others? Or did we live self-centered, hateful, sinful
lives, and treat others badly?
It’s all right to search for purpose and
meaning in our lives, but it doesn’t exempt us from obeying God’s moral and
ethical commands. The
meaning of life, Qoheleth believed, is not found in any human endeavors;
rather, it’s found in our faith in and our obedience to God and his moral
edicts for our lives. We
still may never completely understand why life is so unfair, but our faith in
God’s eternal plans, in His divine providence, and our obedience to His moral
edicts will give us joy, peace-of-mind, and true and lasting meaning for our
lives.
Life’s meaning is not found in accumulating
material possessions, accomplishing great things, or becoming rich and powerful
but simply in how well we live our lives and how well we treat other people.
We should strive for
goodness not only because we believe that God will hold us all accountable for
the way we lived our lives, but more importantly because only God can make our
lives truly meaningful. And
when we live lovingly, honestly, decently, ethically, virtuously, and morally good lives we’ll
not only make our own lives more meaningful, we’ll also make it more meaningful
for everyone else we come into contact with.
Qoheleth beautifully
summarized his thoughts in this way (excerpts from Ecclesiastes chapters 9, 11,
12 NIV):
So I reflected on
all this and concluded that the righteous and the wise and what they do are in
God’s hands, but no man knows whether love or hate awaits him. All share a
common destiny—the righteous and the wicked, the good and the bad… [So] go, eat
your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for it is now
that God favors what you do… Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the
days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun—all your
meaningless days. For this
is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it
with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither
working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom. I have seen something else under the
sun: the race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food
come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time
and chance happen to them all… However
many years a man may live, let him enjoy them all… Now all has been heard; here is
the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is
the whole duty of man. For
God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether
it is good or evil.
Marcus Aurelius wrote
something similar:
Words that everyone once used are now obsolete, and so are the men whose
names were once on everyone's lips…. For
all things fade away, become the stuff of legend, and are soon buried in
oblivion. Mind you, this is
true only for those who blazed once like bright stars in the firmament, but for
the rest, as soon as a few clods of earth cover their corpses, they are 'out of
sight, out of mind.' In the
end, what would you gain from everlasting remembrance? Absolutely nothing. So what is left worth living
for? This alone: justice in
thought, goodness in action, speech that cannot deceive, and a disposition glad
of whatever comes, welcoming it as necessary, as familiar, as flowing from the
same source and fountain as yourself.
WHAT PSYCHOLOGY
TEACHES US
Level 1:
Pre-Conventional
1. Obedience and Punishment orientation—a primary school
level of moral and ethical behavior where people behave because they are told
to do so; they’re rewarded for their good behavior and punished for their bad
behavior.
2. Self-Interest orientation—a middle school level
of moral and ethical behavior where people behave because it’s in their own
self-interest.
Level 2: Conventional
3. Social norms orientation—a high school level
of moral and ethical behavior where people behave in order to gain the approval
of others.
4. Law and Order orientation—a mature adult level
of moral and ethical behavior where people behave because they want to be
dutiful, law-abiding citizens.
Level 3: Post-Conventional
5. Social Contract orientation—a personally
intrinsic level of moral and ethical behavior where people behave because of
social mutuality and a genuine interest in the welfare of others.
6. Principled Conscience orientation—a universal
principled level of moral and ethical behavior where people behave because of
their individual conscience.
Dr. Kohlberg believed that
people cannot skip from one stage of moral development to another, but that we
can only progress through each stage one at a time. In
order to get to the next higher stage of moral development, we must comprehend
a moral rationale for going to the next higher level. In
fact, most all of us often will regress to earlier stages of moral development
and have to relearn the rationale for getting back on track (e.g. people issued
tickets for moving violations, convicted criminals, those who are trying to
overcome addictions like alcohol, those suffering the consequences of bad
behavior, etc.) He also didn’t believe the majority of us ever get to
the last stages of moral development. In the
past century, maybe only Mahatma Gandhi or Saints like Pope John Paul II or
Mother Teresa ever achieved these levels.
Contemporary Psychologist and
author, Dr. David Lieberman in his book Make
Peace with Anyone makes a
compelling argument that to be happy, have good relationships, and be
psychologically balanced, a person must feel good about themselves. Feeling
good about ourselves is called self-esteem or self-respect or self-love. And
self-esteem is a byproduct of how we live our lives. If we
do not respect ourselves then we cannot truly love ourselves nor respect and
love others.
In order to have self-esteem,
Dr. Lieberman argues, we must consistently make wise and morally good choices. In
other words, if we do what is right we’ll (more often than not) feel good about
ourselves and improve our self-esteem; but if we do what is wrong, we’ll feel
guilt, embarrassment, and shame and lose our self-esteem.
Furthermore, our personal
freedom and independence allow us to make choices; so if we’re coerced into
making certain choices, it’ll rob us of our personal freedom and harm our
self-esteem. This is what sparks many human conflicts, writes Dr.
Lieberman.
Dr. Lieberman explains that
there are three underlying motivations behind our choices:
1) We
can choose what feels good (Dr.
Kohlberg’s level one); for example, overeating, laziness, abusing drugs, alcohol,
or tobacco, or any immoderate, unwholesome, behavior;
2) We can choose what makes us look
good (Dr. Kohlberg’s level
two); for example, not living for ourselves but for our image; any behavior
that projects a worldly, materialistic, self-centered image; being consumed
with money, power, control, or vanity; or
3) We can choose what is good! (Dr. Kohlberg’s level three). Only the third alternative of choosing
responsibly and wisely will give us true freedom, self-respect, improve our
self-esteem, and allow us to live at peace with others.
ALL WE REALLY NEED TO
KNOW WE LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN
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| Kindergarten nap time |
The Reverend Robert Fulghum in his famous book All
I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten eloquently describes the wisdom we all
learned as children:
All I really need to
know about how to live and what to do and how to be, I learned in kindergarten.
Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate-school mountain, but there in the
sand pile at Sunday school. These are the things I learned:
Share everything.
Play fair.
Don’t hit people.
Put things back where
you found them.
Clean up your own
mess.
Don’t take things that
aren’t yours.
Say you’re sorry when
you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before
you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold
milk are good for you.
Live a balanced
life—learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
Take a nap every
afternoon.
When you go out into
the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.
Be aware of wonder.
Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or
why, but we are all like that.
Goldfish and hamsters
and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup—they all
die. So do we.
And then remember the
Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned—the biggest word of all—LOOK.
Everything you need to
know is in there somewhere: The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation;
ecology and politics and equality and sane living. Take any one of those items
and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family
life or your work or your government or your world and it holds true and clear
and firm. Think what a better world it would be if we all—the whole world—had
cookies and milk about three o’clock every afternoon and then lay down with our
blankies for a nap. Or if all governments had as a basic policy to always put
things back where they found them and to clean up their own mess. And it is
still true, no matter how old you are—when you go out into the world, it is
best to hold hands and stick together.
In short, the keys to
living well are really quite simple: if we wouldn’t allow our children to
behave in certain ways towards others, why would we behave that way towards
others?
THE FABLE OF THE
STARFISH
In a popular
motivational fable by an unknown author there was once an old man who had a
habit of walking along the beach every morning. One morning when he went to the beach
he discovered there had been a strong storm the previous night that had washed
thousands of starfish up onto the beach.
Then at a distance, he
spotted a young man dancing along the beach. How odd the old man thought to
himself; the beach is littered with soon to be rotting starfish and this young
guy is dancing? So he ran
up to him to see why he was dancing. As
he got closer he saw that the young man wasn’t dancing at all but instead was
reaching down and picking up starfish and very gently throwing them back into the
ocean.
The old man asked him,
“Good morning! What are you doing?”
The young man replied,
“Throwing starfish into the ocean!”
“Why are you throwing
starfish into the ocean?” the old man asked.
The young man replied,
“The sun is up, and the tide is going out; and if I don’t throw them back
in the ocean they’ll surely die!”
“Young man, don’t you
realize that there are miles and miles of beach, and there must be
thousands and thousands of starfish along it. You can’t possibly make a
difference!”
The young man listened
politely, then bent down and picked up another starfish and gently threw it
back into the ocean and said, “It made a difference for that one!”
The
old man paused a bit and contemplated the enormity of the task and then bent
down, picked up a starfish and gently threw it back into the ocean....
CHANGE YOURSELF AND
YOU'LL CHANGE THE WORLD
Each of us has the innate ability to learn
from experience and make free choices in our lives. This is what sets us apart from the
animals. We’re not locked
into certain behavior patterns. Each
of us has the freedom to choose to become better people: more loving, honest, decent,
ethical, virtuous, and morally good people. We can choose to continue to live
self-centered lives, or we can choose to live others-centered lives.
Bill FitzPatrik of the American Success
Institute (www.success.org) wrote:
You do not need to prove your might
at the expense of others. You
do not need diplomas, awards or the acclaim of others to know who you
are. You do not need an
audience to do the right thing. You
do not need a lot of money or many physical possessions to be happy. You do not need stand first in
line. You do not need
coaxing to fulfill your religious obligations. You do not need lessons to act
civilly. You do not need
prompting to help someone in need.
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| The Lorax (1971) by Dr. Suess (Theodor Suess Geisel) |
When we live loving, honest,
decent, ethical, virtuous, and morally good lives, we make life more meaningful
and better not only for ourselves but for everyone else around us. When we change for the better we help
make the whole world a little better. The
Greek and Jewish philosophers all believed this, the science of psychology
affirms this, and deep down inside we all know this to be true (natural
law). Mahatma Gandhi once said: We must become the change we want
to see. So if we want
to make our world a better place to live in, then, individually, each one of us
must change for the better.
