The Power of Positive Thinking (Part 12)

Putting it all together

In Order to Kill the ANTs…Feed the emotional ANTeater:
1. Whenever you notice an ANT entering your mind, train yourself to recognize it and write it down on a piece of paper.
2. Identify the type of ANT.
3. Kill the ANTs by feeding your emotional ANTeater by talking back to your ANTs. This will take away their power to control your moods. 

Examples:   
              ANT: "This person doesn’t like me!" 
Type of ANT: Mind Reading 
Kill the ANT: I don’t know that, maybe she’s having a bad day?

              ANT: "Mr. Smith is a Jerk!"
Type of ANT: Labeling
Kill the ANT: Sometimes all of us are jerks. He may be under a lot of pressure?

How can you improve your self-esteem using this technique?
• You cannot earn worth through what you do.
• Achievements can bring you satisfaction but not happiness. Self-worth based on accomplishments is "pseudo-esteem."
• You cannot base a valid sense of self-worth on your looks, talent, fame, or fortune. Marilyn Monroe, Freddie Prinz, Kurt Cobain and other famous suicide victims attest to this grim truth.
• You cannot base your inherent self-worth on love, approval, friendship, or a capacity for close, caring human relationships. You cannot truly love others unless you first love yourself.
• Only your own sense of self-worth determines how you feel.
• The first step to improved self-esteem or self-love is to pay attention to what YOU say and think about yourself. What type of ANTs do you have?
• So how can one develop a sense of self-esteem? You don’t have to! You don’t have to do anything worthy to create or deserve self-esteem; all you have to do is Kill the ANTs. Because your ANTs are wrong!

Something to think about:
Watch your THOUGHTS, they become feelings.
Watch your feelings, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become your character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny!

The Power of Positive Thinking (Part 11)

Red ANT 10 "Blaming"

• Blaming is very harmful! It's one of the worst of all ANTs. When you blame something or someone else for the problems in your life, you become a passive victim of circumstances and you make it very difficult to do anything to change your situation. You take very little responsibility for your problems. When something goes wrong at home or at work, you try to find someone or something to blame.

• Examples: "It wasn’t my fault that___"; "That wouldn’t have happened if___."; "How was I supposed to know___"; "If you'd only done this differently then____."; "You ruined my life!"

• REALITY CHECK: Whenever you play the "blame game" you become powerless to change anything. Taking personal responsibility for the circumstances in your life will be empowering and uplifting.
 
• Remember the lessons so far: YOU are ONLY responsible for your thoughts, feelings, and actions! You Are NOT responsible for other's thoughts, feelings, or actions; They are!  You can only try to Influence others; You cannot Control others!  It doesn't matter what You ask of Life, but what Life asks of You that matters!  

The Power of Positive Thinking (Part 10)

ANT 9 "Personalizing"

• You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event which in fact you were not primarily responsible for. This is the mother of all guilt. You feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders.

• For example: "My boss was short with me today, he/she must be mad at me." "My child is failing in school, it’s my fault for not spending more time tutoring him." "This person was rude to me, I must have said something wrong." "That person was mean and angry with me, what did I do to make them so mad?"

• REALITY CHECK: There are many other reasons for other’s behavior besides your negative explanations. You confuse influence with control over others. In your role (no matter how powerful or menial) you can certainly influence others, but you cannot control them. What the other person does is ultimately their responsibility, not yours!

• Blessed Mother Teresa once said:
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. 
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway.

The Power of Positive Thinking (Part 9)

ANT 8 "Labeling and Mislabeling"

• Whenever you attach a negative label to yourself or to someone else, you stop your ability to take a clear look at the situation. You over-generalize! Instead of describing your or someone else’s error, you attach a negative label to yourself or others.

• Examples: "He/She’s arrogant, condescending, or a jerk." When you use colorful language it’s mislabeling. "I’m/You’re a !@#$%." "He/She is a @#$%."

• REALITY CHECK: No one can be equated with any one thing they do! You are not exclusively a "breather" just because you breathe; you are not exclusively an "eater" just because you eat. We all are an extremely complex array of ever-changing thoughts, feelings, and actions. When you focus on other people’s weaknesses and imperfections and label them you prove to yourself their worthlessness as human beings.

• No one (except for God) is completely good. All of us are shades of gray. Some are more dark than light (we call these people sinners); some are more light than dark (we call these people saints); most of us are somewhere in between. With very few exceptions, absolutes do not exist in nature.

• Each of us is a work in progress. The more accepting and forgiving you are of others, the more others will be accepting and forgiving of you.

The Power of Positive Thinking (Part 8)

ANT 7 "Time Traveling"

•  Time traveling is when you try to re-live past unpleasant events or second-guess previous choices you or someone else made.

 • You may use phrases like, "If only...could'a, should'a, would'a"

• REALITY CHECK: Time travel has not been invented yet so no one can travel back in time and make different choices or undo what has already occurred.  Since we can't change the past, all we can do is try to make better choices today and forgive those who've wronged us in the past.  And when we make wiser, more prudent choices today, and forgive others for the past, it not only helps us atone for our previous mistakes or poor choices, it frees us of the burdent of holding grudges and gives us more hope for the future, and then we'll spend a lot less time second-guessing our past.

Here's a few good ol' cliches:

• Yesterday is already a memory; Tomorrow is only a dream; but Today, well lived, makes every Yesterday a happy memory, and every Tomorrow a hope filled dream.

• Commit the Past to God's mercy and forgiveness, and the Future to God's providencial care, and be thankful for the Present which God has given you.

The Power of Positive Thinking (Part 7)

ANT 6 "Guilt Beating" (Should statements)

• This happens when you think with words like should, must, ought to, or have to in order to motivate yourself or others.  Guilt, shame, and self-loathing are side-effects of "should statements" for yourself.  Anger, frustration, bitterness, resentment, and self-righteousness are side-effects of "should statements" for others. For example:

• "I/You should quite smoking." "I/You ought to to lose weight." "I/You must get this done today." "I/You have to go there." "I/You shouldn’t do___."

• REALITY CHECK: Instead of "should statements" use phrases like: "It would be nice if___", "I wish that___", "I prefer if___", "I accept that___", "Who cares if___" "Don’t worry about it."

 

• Examples: Rather than say, "I should quite smoking." Say instead, "I wish I could quite smoking; but I know nicotine is more addictive than cocaine and heroin combined; so with the help of some smoking cessation aids, I'll try my best; and if I fail the first time, then I'll try again..."

The Power of Positive Thinking (Part 6)

ANT 5 "Thinking with your Feelings"

• This occurs when you believe your negative feelings without ever questioning them. You tell yourself, "I feel this way, so it must be true." 

• For example:
"I feel I’ll never be successful."
"I feel stupid."
"I feel this person doesn’t like me."
"I feel like a failure."
"I feel unloved, so I'm going to...<bad choice>..."
"I feel guilty, so I’m a bad person."
"I feel angry with you, so you did me wrong."
"I feel 'in-love with' this person, so I'm going to...<bad choice>..."
"I feel 'I don't love' this person, so I'm going to...<bad choice>..."
"I feel 'I hate' this person, so I'm going to...<bad choice>..."
etcetera, etcetera.

• REALITY CHECK: Feelings are very complex and often based on powerful memories from the past. Feelings oftentimes LIE to you, and they’re not always true.  They are just feelings.  Whenever you have a strong negative feeling, check it out to see if it’s true. Do you have evidence to support your feelings now or are they based on past experiences. What is true, and what is a feeling?  Just because you feel a certain way, don't make bad choices or decisions based on how you feel no matter how powerful the feelings are.

• This is why it's critically important to have an Ethos, or a set of guiding ethical and moral beliefs in which you live your life by (such as the 10 Commandments or the Golden Rule).  If your feelings are telling you to do something contrary to your Ethos then your feeling are lying to you and you need to talk back to them.

• This is an extreme example: Your feelings say: "Everyone hates me; I can't do anything right; I wish I'd never been born; I just want crawl under a rock and die!" 
Say back to your feelings: "The Ethos I live by says that suicide is never an option in life; It's not normal to want to die; So my feelings are lying to me; I must be seriously depressed; this would explain my irrational feelings; I should call a professional couselor, healthcare provider, or religious minister (e.g. pastor, priest, rabbi) as soon as possible and ask for help!" 
 

The Power of Positive Thinking (Part 5)

ANT 4 "Mind Reading"

• This happens when you believe that you know what other people are thinking even when they haven’t told you. You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you, and you don’t bother to check this out. You may erroneously overreact to the situation and create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

• REALITY CHECK: You CAN NOT read anyone else’s mind! If you could you’d be a wealthy card shark by now. We have enough trouble reading our own minds let alone trying to read other people’s minds.

• You never know what others are thinking unless they tell you, and even then, they can change their minds tomorrow.  Besides all this, you're not responsible for what others are thinking; you're only responsible for what you're thinking, and you can choose to think positive, uplifting thoughts.

The Power of Positive Thinking (Part 4)

ANT 3 "Fortune-Telling"

• This is where you predict the worst possible outcome to a situation or crucial conversation (like a job interview). 

• For example: Before you discuss an unpleasant issue with a family member, a customer, a coworker, your boss, or a future employer you predict they will respond poorly. In doing this you setup a self-fulfilling prophesy. When you predict bad things, you unconsciously help make them happen.  If you go to a job interview thinking they'll hate you and you'll never get the job, then you'll unconsciously sabotage your interview.

• REALITY CHECK: If you could accurately predict the future, you’d be a lottery billionaire by now!  Even highly trained and experienced stock brokers cannot predict if a stock will go up or go down. No one can accurately predict the future, so why worry about it. 
 
• And besides, you cannot control how others behave or react; you can certainly try to positively influence them, but ultimately they're responsible for their own behavior, and you're responsible for yours.  Just do the best you can and let life take care of itself.

The Power of Positive Thinking (Part 3)

ANT 2 "Focusing on the Negative"

• This occurs when your thoughts reflect only the bad in a situation and ignore any of the good.

• For example, you may have 100 customers, coworkers, or people you just know. Ninety five of them may love you but the other 5 do not. You dwell on the five who do not like you rather than the 95 who love you.

• REALITY CHECK: this is the proverbial pessimist versus the optimist. Is the glass half-empty or half-full? One needs to consider the good in things while acknowledging the bad. Remember that life is shades of gray. There’s no one who’s perfect. Statistically, 95% is considered perfect!

• Don’t be a Pollyanna by looking at the world through rose colored glasses, but try to be more optimistic by looking for the Positive in any situation. This will help you feel better.